Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Dirty Girl: Day 6

What the hell was I thinking??

I feel grosser than I ever recall having felt.  My hair is a stringy, greasy pile, and I'm sick of wearing it in a ponytail.  It looks constantly wet, and when I pull it back it looks slicked back with gel (there's a good reason those guys were called "greasers").  Yes, I kind of like it that right when I get out of the shower, my hair is very sculptable... I can pretty much rearrange it however I want, something I can't normally do because of how thin and fine my hair is.  But once it starts drying, and it's not supposed to look wet anymore, it still does... ugh.

And my skin?  Well, the skin on my body feels great -- way softer than usual, and it doesn't smell at all!  I wonder if it would hold up through the winter.  The first couple of days, I did notice a little increased itchiness, and some random itchy bumps (which I had before, too), but overall my skin seems to be happy.

Oh, except for my face.  I am a little extra pimply these days, on my nose and on my forehead, and of course I've developed a monster pimple on my chin.  Now, this isn't really anything new -- I do break out once in a while, usually in the form of one big screaming pimple somewhere around my chin area.  And, I am supposed to start my period any day now (side note: I'm actually three days late...a rare thing, as I am queen of the three week menstrual cycle... but one of the many great things about being gay is that I don't have to panic about being late!), so the combination of hormones and suddenly using no soap might be too much for my complexion to handle at the moment.  I'm actually pretty confident that if I started using face cleaner today, my pimples wouldn't clear up any faster.  Boo.

I was preparing for some "adjustment time," of course, during which my body and hair overcompensate and then even back out.  It's only been six days.  But I feel completely self-conscious and unattractive right now.  I feel almost depressed, and certainly more irritable and unproductive.  It's one thing to have greasy hair and clean skin, or clean hair and greasy skin, but having both is making me feel like a fucking pariah. 

So of course I must ask myself: What's the point?  What am I really trying to accomplish here?  Well, for one thing, I really dislike the idea of giving up so quickly.  I mean, if I am not going to give this the old college try, then why have I been dirty for six days?  For fun??  No, if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it.  But honestly, I don't know if I can live this way for three more weeks...

No comments:

Post a Comment